Dear Employer of a Job I Don't Want
I’d be a perfect fit for this role despite applying out of desperation
I am applying for this role of receptionist at your small taxi firm. I believe that I would provide key skills and qualities such as printing and stapling documents, always answering the phone with a hyperbolic cheery voice, allowing you to rely on me to cover shifts even though this is your responsibility, going above and beyond my role by collecting your dry cleaning on my lunch break and letting you exert your narcissistic authority over me, despite being paid minimum wage.
Contrary to the fact that I have completed both an undergraduate degree and a masters in English Literature and once had aspirations to be a publisher, I have realised that being a receptionist is ultimately my dream.
The many years and vast amounts of money that have been spent on my education, really do not matter when I think about the valuable experience and friendly environment that this job role would provide me.
My life experience has taught me that the only thing that can truly make you happy in this world, is being able to pay my rent and electricity bills and having just enough money left at the end of the month to treat myself to some basic groceries.
Success and financial stability mean nothing to me if I could just be granted the opportunity to work for your company for 50 hours a week. I have scoured the internet for the perfect job role when I came across your advert that said:
‘Receptionist wanted IMMEDIATELY for a small but extremely busy taxi firm. MUST be able to work nights, weekends, and everything in between. Benefits include the ability to work as much overtime as you wish and occasional staff drinks where the middle-aged taxi drivers will pay copious amounts of attention to you.’
I promise that I will devote all of my time and energy to your company and treat this role as my sole purpose for living. I can guarantee that I will stick at this role for the next 20 years and will absolutely NOT hand in my notice as soon as the job market improves.
A Very Desperate Person Looking for Work.